Friday, 22 June 2012

Gawd it's only when you get irritated at someone that you realise how deeply you love them

Wednesday, 20 June 2012

The Scary Spider

It was on a fateful night, a night when the lightning was really strong and white and fast! and a man was walking on a gold course just minding his own business when FUCK along came a massive spider. It was really disgusting, like with huge hairy legs, and eyes as black as spain, and at this point the man was like "Oh shit!" The spider said to him "You have disobeyed the god of Time, and becasue of this you have to do a test which if you pass will save humanity and if you pass wills pell your DOOM!" Then the man entered through a portal which looked dark green and squidgy, but it came out of nowhere in the middle of the golf course which was weird! he stepped thru the hole portal and underwent a transofmrmation, turning into a sprectral sort of being, which was that he went into a white thing shape, manucevering through a desolate realm with monsters in it that were so bad i can't actually describe them. Like monsters with massive teeth, no eyes, three mouths, one arm, and some of them were just ridiculous! Like this one that was unnameable, it was that bad. Through this desolate plain the man roamed, and underwent a series of tests. The voice of the spider from the golf course spoke to him (becasue the spider was like a Spider-God who was all-powerful, he could traversee the space between dimensions, going into each one whenever he liked! This is how powerful he was! And because of this he was actually better than GOD Himself!) and said "The first est is to see your courage. If your courage is bad, you will be comenedened forever to HELL along with all of humanity. If you can pass over this cliff aface, I will reward you. If you cannot, you must sufer a terrible fate." The man who was called Jim was clever though and as he went up to the cliff face, he said "I don't want your reward. I would rather suffer than enter in cahoots with you, you bad spider." The spider said "Good, you have passed the test," and a bridge made of rainbows appeared. Then the man went acrosss the bridge and encountered a TROLL! It was big and hairy, and had a four yetis backing him up like bodyguards. They all came for him with massive maces, but the man was brave because he pciked up a stick and started waving it around. The animals, not used to any disaplyings of braveness in this desolate plain, started running away, a bit like pixies do. "You have past the second test," spoke the spider voice. "Your text next, is... is..." There was a pause. "Is ME!" Then the spider came down and ate him and the man died and THIS MEANS WE ARE ALL ACTUALLY IN HELL! SHIT!